‘My Ex Old Man and my Ex Best Girl Friend’, may be the name of a song by country singer Kristen Kelly, but is also the title of this blog post, because yesterday my ex Fiance married an ex Best Friend of mine.
Emma was my best friend all the way through secondary school and into A Levels, although at some point around GCSE years Emma left the school we went to together and went to a different school designed for those who had been failed by the education system. Emma and I spent a lot of time together, usually at her house, watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, playing video games and eating Chinese takeaways. Often Emma’s parents would go on Holiday, leaving her at home alone (her grandparents would keep an eye on her), and during these weeks I would spend a lot of time at her house. We would buy cigarettes and smoke them in her garden, and drink vodka neat out the bottle and end laughing because I managed to fall over in her tiny, under stairs toilet. It was with Emma that I smoked Cannabis with for the first time. We even kept a scrap book of our exploits, printing out pictures to stick in the scrap books and sticking in emails or little hand written messages to each other. I wish I knew what happened to that scrap book! We would have little fall outs, like teenage girls do, but never for too long.
When I was 16 I started a relationship with Adrian. We got rather serious quite quickly considering our age. My parents weren’t sure about him at first because he seemed to come from no where to them and because he was 3 years older than me. But I managed to convince my parent round, and over the years they bonded with him. We would spend as many weekends as we could together, because he lived an hours drive away we didn’t see each other Monday-Friday.
There was quite a few occasions when Emma, Adrian and I would all hang out together. One weekend Adrian and I stayed over at Emma’s house. We all got on well.
Then when Emma and I went to university we started to drift apart, and this time our friendship stayed broken. I regret that I let our friendship fall apart, because we always had such fun together, we always had each others back, and never judged each other. We could tell each other anything and know the other would stay true.
Adrian I stayed together for 6.5 years. We stuck it out together, even throughout our university years, which is often when couples break up. Just before my 19th birthday he proposed, then in 2010, when we had both finished university, we moved into our first rented place together, a little run down flat. And we were planning our wedding for 2012. We were mostly happy, but once we moved in together the cracks started to show. We were two rather different people. The arguments became more frequent, and I started to fall out of love with him. So after 6.5 years together, and 5 months before our wedding day, we broke up. Our break up was amicable, and we asked our friends and family to keep any negativity to themselves. I still liked him, and he still liked me, we just realised we didn’t want to marry each other, and we had become more friends than lovers.
We were still good friends, that after breaking up, we carried on living together for 7 months until our tenancy contract ended. But soon after I moved out, we came to the conclusion that for both our sakes it was best if we broke all contact so that we could both move on in a healthy way.
Fast forward a couple of years and I’m happily in a relationship with someone else and engaged to be married. That person is my husband.
Adrian, much to my own discomfort and great upset, stayed friends with my Sister and Brother-In-Law and continued to see the two of them as friends. Over the years following Emma and I falling out of friendship, I’m not sure exactly how, Emma and my Sister became friends. often my Sister held gatherings for friends at her house and Adrian and Emma would both be invited. And when Adrian and Emma were both single they got together. At the time, although we had drifted apart in ‘the real world’ I was still friends on Facebook with Emma, but when I saw her relationship status update, to show she was in a relationship with Adrian, I deleted her as a friend. The idea of them being in a relationship was just too weird for me! And I didn’t want to watch their relationship play out online.
Fast forward another couple of years and my husband and I got married in the October of 2016 and the very next month Adrian proposed to Emma. How do I know this? Because a mutual friend of Emma and I, an old school friend, told me. The old school friend was shocked about their engagement, and understood why I felt it was weird.
Yesterday they got married. My Sister was a Bridesmaid, and my Brother-In-Law was an Usher. I find this odd. To me, it seems that Adrian can’t/hasn’t moved on from when he was with me. Yes, my sister and bro-in-law are friends with them both, but if I was Emma, I would feel as though Adrian was using a friendship with them to cling onto me some how. Especially when you add in to this he still has my parents and other family members of mine as friends on Facebook. But it isn’t for me to pry into their relationship. If they are happy, then that is good. And we all look at things differently. But I wouldn’t want my husband to still have contact with his ex’s family, because it would make me feel like he can’t or hasn’t moved on.
I have no hard feelings over their relationship, and I think they probably do make a pretty good couple. Everyone deserves to be happy and I wish them all the luck for their future. If I see them, which is quite likely, seeing as they’ve stayed friends with family members of mine, and the four of us are all invited to my Brother-In-laws 30th Birthday bash later this year. If/When I see them I will smile and say hello. I won’t be rude, and I hope they give my Husband and I the same courtesy.